Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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