I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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