we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
