WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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