RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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