rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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