when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
