btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
