Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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