We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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