I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
