to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So much rum. So many feels.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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