so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
