Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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