Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
