Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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