I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
