Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize