Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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