I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
