I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
