Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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