No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
