I just made out with a guy for $7.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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