I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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