I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
