Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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