i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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