how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize