I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
