I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
