dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
