It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We are all done wearing pants today
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize