It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
