i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
