There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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