She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
