We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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