I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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