counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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