I accidentally had phone sex last night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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