My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
