you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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