I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
