i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
