so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
