we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
