DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
