Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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