your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
