dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
