girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
