fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
