My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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