everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize