I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
