Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
