never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
