Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
