I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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