New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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