don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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