I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
