Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
