My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
