I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
