They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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