i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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