did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
