So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Acid is not a monday night drug
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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