here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
