We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
