I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
