I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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