She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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