In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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