I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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