Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3pm strippers are depressing
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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