i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
