Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
