He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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