Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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